Negotiating the Nonnegotiable

Emotional Conflicts

Many people must deal with extremely emotional situations with their families, at their workplaces or in their neighborhoods. Shapiro notes that people in such circumstances may become overwhelmed and unable to surmount the issues or suffering involved. Emotionally charged conflicts, he says, can be especially frustrating because no approach or strategy seems to work.

To understand and tackle the hardest conflicts, Shapiro urges you to delve below the surface. Look beyond seemingly crucial topics like finances or politics. Instead, he says, examine the part that “identity” plays in your conflict. When you feel that something threatens your identity, your emotions take control and you want to fight. “Reconciliation involves a dialogue between people,” Shapiro says, “but the hardest part takes place within yourself.”